The life of a stalker: reading body language

Intro:

I’m walking down the hallway when I bump into Cari. As we depart, Cari pulls her pointer finger and her middle finger to her eyes, and then points them at me. I start laughing; she’s telling me that she’s watching me. Little does she know, I’ve been watching her.
The idea that one’s body language tells all is an old cliché, but it’s one that’s inescapable. Ever notice how someone leans back when they’re done talking? Or squints when they’re not quite sure what you’re saying? Ever heard the old song “Lying Eyes”? If any of these are relatable, you understand the permeating power of body language.
In this section, Spencer and I observed two new staffers—Cari McAfoos and Jared Schooley. As creepily as possible, we watched their reactions and body language to different situations, and took candid photos. Most importantly, we looked to see if their thoughts and words—what they verbally communicated—were consistent with what their body language told us.

Non-verbal cues:

Non-verbal cues:

Eye contact Signals preparedness; confidence; interest in communication
Raising eyebrows Interest in conversation
Breaking eye contact Mentally clarifying thoughts, preparing feedback; may also be distracted
Quickly becoming busy Unprepared or uncomfortable

Head nod Agreement or not listening

Head shake Disagree
Cocked head or frowning Confusion or mentally clarifying thoughts

Banging hands on table Dramatic effect

Playing with hair If absent-mindedly, deep concentration or frustration
Postural shift Transition of conversation or strong reaction
Middle finger Anger or childish facetiousness
Leaning sideways Disbelief, hostility toward message
Any touching Attraction (not necessarily romantic)
Wearing bright clothing Generally cheerful and happy personality
Stroking hair, arm Warmth, close friendship

Leaning forward Wants to begin or maintain speaking
Leaning backward Done talking
Pat on shoulder Playfulness, friendship

Blink Emotionally responding; or dust in the wind
Bury head in hands Embarrassed

Dressing neatly Compliance

Tapping head w/ forefinger I’m thinking

Tapping head near temple That’s intelligent/that person’s crazy
Slapping hand to back of head Disturbed or startled
Dilated pupils Alertness
Lowered eyebrows Threatened or angry
Wetting little finger, drawing across Some other person is gay
eyebrow
Scratching or rubbing side of nose Someone is lying
Cheek stroke Contemplation
Chin stroke Contemplation or admiration
Folded arms Defense posture or disagreement
Elbows bowed outward Aggression, resistance, impatience, anger
Arms behind back, hands grasped Nothing to fear

Observations:

To understand the situations I have observed both Cari and Jared in, I should begin by explaining my relationship to them. Apparently, Jared stalked me long before I stalked him: he claims he had a crush on me in the first grade, though I didn’t know he existed until late elementary school. He fell off my radar for a few years, but I now work with him both on newspaper staff and our English academic bowl team. They are both entirely different situations: English bowl is incredibly relaxed, whereas newspaper is typically stressful.
I’ve ran with Cari for several seasons now, so I’ve seen her work ethic on the course as well as her playful side, as most of the girls are very close. Now I work on the staff with Cari, where I see her incredibly no-nonsense approach to work along with her apparent shyness.
Although they’re two of my favorite people, they could not seem to be any more different. They both do all of their work, they’re both enjoyable company, they both uphold intelligent conversation, they both laugh frequently—and they have nearly opposite body language reactions.
In the lab, when I say one of their names, Cari always turns deliberately to face me. Cari does not move unless it is purposeful—she never jiggles her legs, or needlessly plays with small items. She always maintains eye contact, which shows she is prepared with work, or at least confident she can finish it. Jared reacts a bit differently; he sometimes whips around to face me, but does not always maintain eye contact. As Stephanie Routhier (sociology teacher) explains, this may not necessarily mean he is unprepared to speak to me, but more likely unwilling. Sadly, Jared probably knows that when I call his name in the J-Lab, it usually means bad news. I commend both, however—not once have they ever suddenly become busy if I call their names, which shows they’re not uncomfortable with me.
Both Jared and Cari do, however, maintain an unnerving amount of eye contact. Most sources claim this is an interest in communication, so I ought to feel flattered that they want to speak to me. Cari only breaks eye contact to mentally clarify her thoughts, or to think through her feedback to me. Jared, however, breaks eye contact for a simple reason: distracted by the movement of something else.
Jared’s movements are always more dramatic than Cari’s, and his stories are always told in a wilder manner. He frequently bangs his hands against “the island” to emphasize a point, or runs his fingers through his hair if he is frustrated. Conversely, Cari is almost stoic, telling stories with no hand gestures or fiddling. This reflects their personalities, from what I’ve seen: Jared loves to entertain, but Cari loves to be entertained.
I don’t typically touch Cari or Jared, but I did experiment with proxemics (spacing). I was roughly five feet from Jared, so I stepped a few feet closer. His acceptance of my intrusion on his space indicated that we were friends. After some more conversation, I decided to break past the friendship barrier. I stepped closer—and he immediately shifted backward. I repeated this experiment with Cari later that day, but she never shifted backward. This effectively gauged my relationship with both—my friendship with Cari is much deeper and entirely comfortable.
There were moments where Spencer and I considered upping the ante, such as slipping an anonymous note into Cari or Jared’s locker and watching their reactions. When it all boiled down, however, we didn’t need to force simulations because both Jared and Cari react the same in different environments. Jared leans forward to talk and watches others’ reactions to determine his own. Cari is much more introverted, standing erect and impassively watching others. The most relevant part of the experiment is that what they say doesn’t always match with what they do—and I know them well enough that I can tell the difference.